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Emotions eat at us. Feelings seem intolerable. Moments of emotional reactivity cause us to overthink. Circling around and returning back again to a negative thought creates a pattern of rumination. It is crippling to fixate on negative details, words, events and decisions that are out of our control. So when triggered by strong emotions, it is in our nature to seek soothing. In looking to be alleviated, we look for external reassurance to provide instant calm.

Empathy and compassion from others decrease emotional distress. We all know what it is like to comfort a friend who is in a state…


Be courageous enough to see today as supremely significant

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Today is more valuable than any other. Being in the now, however challenging the mental and emotional state is, provides us with freedom. We cannot control external factors, but what is under our control is our attention to what gives life meaning and purpose.

The more precious we hold today, the less we grip onto the past or the future — reducing the enactment of rumination on what we cannot change. Rumination corresponds to a negative self-concept. The tendency to fixate and regurgitate on what is not the most proactive placeholder…


Deep sorrow can be a source of joy

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What if the way you mourn could provide you with a broader understanding of who you are? What if regret and lamentations could be a pathway to finding peace? Negative thought patterns produce unwanted behaviors, and frequently, you are not aware of them but a state of mourning is visceral and undeniable. Grief is palpable. Mourning and loss, the experience of impermanence,

We need to adapt in order to grow and to develop resilience. We have to mourn old habits and grieve by saying “no” to things, people and places that do not serve us.

The future is not guaranteed…


It’s like letting go, but better

There is profound power in learning how to say “no” to things that do not serve us. When we learn how to say “no” to things in the moment the invitation arises, we cut out the wasting of time and energy that it takes to let something go. Releasing ideas that hold us back, letting go of people and relationships that are not curious and interested in who we are, and removing roles we play that cause us emotional dysregulation are heart-wrenching and laborious. Yes, we must learn from our mistakes, but if done with present-focused-attention, mistakes do not have…


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The ruptures of life are beyond our control. The world cannot be orchestrated to our personal specifications, however; what if we started to see life’s occurrences as opportunities for growth? What would happen if we conceptualized setbacks as launching pads for the better step forward? Every roadblock is an invitation to remind ourselves to be centered and assured, if we choose to rendezvous with the world in this way. All mental and emotional conundrums are gifts — they allow us to reevaluate the path we are on and to see the pathway paved with lessons on how to progress.

Life…


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No one makes it out alive. We know that death is inevitable. Life is precious. Inherent to the person you are is the reality that life will end. We know time and energy are a limited resource, and it is up to us to choose how to use these resources wisely. In every given present moment, the way we would like to think and feel is up to us. We need to build a sense of self that is oriented to identifying and then choosing what thread feels the friskiest. Death is the final marker on what we’ve prioritized during…


What we know about personal progress of any kind is that the point of power is at the exact moment of the now. The present moment is where we do all the work. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow has not happened yet. Even if we are in a resting state, lethargic or unmotivated in the here-and-now, that does not mean you can’t get the most out of what is unfolding in front of you. As we evaluate the possibilities of this New Year it is important to recognize the tools and resources we have to maximize growth and learning in…


Coffee in the mornings is a thing, and it’s a thing for a reason. People depend on a jolt of energy to get them motivated. Coffee and/or tea is also a ritual that provides your morning with some structure. We like that feeling of energy moving through our body to help us shift from a warm comfortable bed to the daily grind of meetings and rush-hour. The need for a burst of energy in the morning doesn’t have to come solely from caffeine; we can also turn to a different more powerful form of energy, which is our thoughts.

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Morning…


The Answer to Life’s Productivity is When You Wake Up:

You can maximized your productivity by focusing all your energy in three hours of your day. The moment right when you wake up is proven to be the most productive at getting stuff done and getting stuff done right! Ron Friedman who is a leading researcher in this field states:

“Typically, we have a window of about three hours where we’re really, really focused. We’re able to have some strong contributions in terms of planning, in terms of thinking, in terms of speaking well” (via Harvard Business Review).”

The brain has shown to to be the most ready and active after it has had an average night of sleep. Creativity is improved, alertness and even efficiency is best following waking up. Reasons for this may be linked to…


To truly “know thyself” is in some respects unattainable. Once you finally think you’ve discovered who you are, life throws at you a new experience. The deeper you go into the discovery process of what makes you the person you are, other components of yourself start to emerge. Nonetheless, there is a core essence of who you are that never changes. Getting in touch with that core-self can be both challenging and simple, depending on your focus.

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The process of the evolving self is entirely dependent on the present moment. Without being present in the here-and-now, one cannot come to…

Wyatt Darling, LMFT

Mindfulness oriented existentialist

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